Totally not intended, because I am supposed to be in agonising pain at the moment. I feel so disappointed with myself for not holding on. But this morning, after the 34th seizure within three hours, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I threw my socks into the ring.
I took my medicine, and within half an hour, my seizures were suppressed again. I could finally breathe, speak a whole sentence, and empty my bladder after two days.
My scull feels like parchment paper at the moment. Like it can’t protect my brains anymore. If I would push one finger softly against my head, my brains would leak out. My eyes can only stay in one position, if they move, a whole kitchen cabinet filled with steak knives will fall from one side to the other inside my eyeballs.
The suppressed seizures are doing its best to rage on through, because they feel I am weak. I am exhausted from going through one after the other. So they make my head hurt almost unbearable. But it is always better than having the never ending storm of excruciating seizures.
It was nice to have a break, even though it may not supposed to have happened. But I convince myself, what’s the point of a whole week, taking the same dosage… technically you can’t really speak of reducing medication, right?
Anyway, the doctor told me this was the way, so tomorrow I will continue, and I will hold on this time.
Only 5 days until I can start the new meds.
And off course they will show immediate efficiency even though the dosage may yet be on the low side, just like the ones I have now.