I could shout from the rooftops!!! I am so relieved, and so very happy at the moment.


I got the results back from the blood results of my kidney values. I was so terribly nervous. For days actually. I hoped and prayed the values would be stablized, but I was scared to death it might have dropped again.


But nothing of a sort. Something has happened, even the doctor was amazed about. This was something that shouldn’t be even possible. My values have increased!!!  She couldn’t explain how this could have happened. It’s all a great mystery. Values thàt low, aren’t likely to improve.


This was the best news ever!!!


We so needed something this good for a change. I couldn’t wait to call Ramon. He would be home on time, so we would go to Haarlem. Two weeks ago he told me, that on the 18th, when I get my results back, no matter the outcome, he would take me to Haarlem and surprise me with a special gift. That way, it would serve as a nice distraction to focus on a happy evening together where the tears would be suppressed if the results were negative. But on the other hand, if the results were positive, it would serve as a celebration.


And now I couldn’t wait for him to get home! We finally could really celebrate something good. Even though I was warned by the doctor, this could be just of a temporary kind, and the values could drop at any time, I didn’t want to hear that for now.


For now, I am granted more time. And whatever the reason, I don’t care at the moment. That is something of a later concern. Because the values have increased, I will have to come back in four months instead of two. And these four months, I am going to stick my head in the sand. I don’t want to think about the what ifs and maybes for change. I just want to make plans and look forward to spring.


When Ramon came home, I burst into tears. I had built up so much stress and fear, that when I saw Ramon’s face, the idea I could kiss his beautiful face a lot longer than we were told, was just too much for a second. A thousand kisses and a wrestle kind of hug, and then we were off to Haarlem.



Boy! This felt so good. The energy was sparkling. We almost seemed like we were skipping through the streets. No thought what so ever of a grim future was dominant for once. We even laughed and giggled and held each other tight. Chatted with intense enthusiasm about the how, the what, and when we start to make sidecar ride again. And then we entered the store where Ramon wanted to surprise me with a very precious gift.



I couldn’t believe he thought of this. He bought me a delicate golden necklace, for my tiny little golden star of David. Something I only wear when I need it the most. As my talisman of hope of survival to overcome any difficulty that crosses my path. And I needed it very much of lately, only to have  a silver necklace left to put it on. But I didn’t care, I would even have used a thread if that was all I could find. I needed my star near me.

I rarely wear jewelry. It’s nice to wear on some occasions, but I don’t care for it much. Worse still, I would have been angry and walked out of the jewelry store, for spending so much money on something I feel is absolutely not worth it. But this is a totally different circumstance, and I could understand Ramon’s need to do this for me. And I was overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness and his ever so great love for me. I immediately put it on in the store, didn’t mind some stupid little box to come with it. I felt radiant when we walked out of the store, and hated the large comfy and warm sweater of Ramon I put on today. Because I wanted everyone to see my beautiful gift. Now my talisman is made even more strong and more special with this beautiful gift. Now I wear my hope of survival together with my greatest and indestructible love. Talking about Superhero boost much??



To top it all off, we continued our very special festive mood, in a restaurant we ate at our wedding.



It was not only me who was glowing brightly in the middle of the dimmed lights of the restaurant at a table for two.



This was a fantastically good ending of a high strung day.