I’m worn down. My body is so very tired.

The new medication didn’t work their charm on me, not even at the 3600 mg. But they did however throw many of its side effects on me. So while I am decreasing the meds with one capsule per day, my muscles are twitching, my lower back hurts like hell, I’m not seeing clear, I’m terribly dizzy when I move around, I’m losing my hair, and I have water retention over my entire body, making my cloths fit a little too tight, and my eyes are slit-eyes because of the puffy upper eye lid. The only positive thing is my boobs are bigger…. again.

Yay  ……

While I am decreasing the new medication, I could take my old meds at their normal dosage at the same time. While my seizures are at its normal rate again, which is absolutely wonderful; the intake of the amount of pills is crazy. And seems to make the side effects from either work even stronger. I feel like a drug addict. And I even think I look like one….



Ooh, wait, this is Malha…..

Well it’s a striking resemblance, that’s for sure.

At the end of this week, the new medication will almost be near its end, so I presume the side effects will be almost gone as well. And hopefully make me strong and confident on my feet again. I don’t quite dare to go outside on my own yet, but next week….

Well….. then I will do everything that’s in my head right now. I feel a great rush pounding heavy on my chest. I nervously ask Ramon to check the mailbox every day. When will the GON injection be planned? How much time do I have, to do all the things I want to do? Because I want the dining room chairs upholstered so they are finally the way they should be. I want to draw all the drawings for at least five stories that are pottering around in my head, waiting to be written. I want to Jane Fonda fitness the hell out of it, together with outfit and all, because the Gym would be too enthusiastic right now….  I want to stand frozen in front of the door at least 11 times of a tattoo artist, to forever Ramon his scribble he made on my skin yesterday night with a pen.



I want to clean the house with a toothbrush so it even shines in every nook and cranny, I want to cook thirty or so dinners ahead for Ramon, for when the next horror begins. But all the wants, are like a sheep standing in a misty meadow. It’s there, but your eyes can barely see it. So I’ll leave it at that.

…. Shit sheep ……



I will just enjoy my ‘hug in a mug’ together with my audio book for now, and when I am up and about this afternoon to go outside together with Ramon, I will check the mailbox again for THE envelope of the LUMC.

You’ll never know…