I’m already enjoying my mother’s gift to the fullest.
Yesterday she came by and help me do housekeeping. Lately I keep feeling worse and worse physically, which eventually nibbles hard on my emotional state of mind. Because I’m getting less and less stuff done, because I simply don’t have the energy for it, I’m getting immensely frustrated by my inadequacy. My mind isn’t tired at all. I want to do things…. Finish my chores, write and draw, play with Kuzco and Malha and practice Malha her basics to get basic instead of once in a while… if we’re lucky…
So eventually, all I get done is a half-baked cleaning session, so it only looks clean, and give the rest of my energy to more important things that require my full attention at that moment. There was nothing to it, I had to bow my head and ask for help. But I remembered the stupid phrase, where it said that asking for help is showing strength. Yeah sure… in mental health issues I believe it to be true, but actually saying you can’t even clean your own house, because you want to do something nice for yourself instead….(because that’s how it looks to me)…. Doesn’t feel like superhero stuff to me.
But Superhero or not, I asked my mom to help me, and I loved the time we got to spend together. We are like two peas in a pot. Beside the fact that everything became nice and clean, we chitchatted like only we can, laughed intensely in between, and just had a wonderful time.
Small moments occurred where guilt almost smothered me, feeling it should be the other way around. Me helping my mother instead of she helping me. But like I said…. Small moments….
I am just so grateful for her help. Today I wasn’t smacked in the face by all the things still that had to be done in the house. It was done.
So I could put my energy where I wanted to today, and it was all about taking in the sunny vitamin D, and take my rest. I’m feeling bright and happy inside, and looking forward to tomorrow, even though Ramon is gone for the week to Warsaw for work. I have so many plans on what I want to do this week. And perhaps a few things really do get done, because I just don’t have to mind the house so much.