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Work in Progress

8-05-2016

morning ferry

 

When I stood on the ferry yesterday morning, I was all smiles. It was 7.30, and already it was nice and warm. I was on my way to meet my dad in Velsen-Noord, to go to the gym together. Ramon started a course that is held on every other Saturday for a few months, so he can’t bring me, or pick me up.

So while I stood on the ferry, in my mind I heard the deep baritone voice of the dockworker in ‘On the town’, singing his line….

I feel like I’m not out of bed yet the sun is warm, but my blanket’s warmer.’

I had the same image in my head of the opening scene of the movie. The sun coming up, the morning dew on the grass, calm water, All the steel factories in the distance looked a little blurred which made it look like a New York skyline in the morning, and big ships already loading and unloading their cargo, or being on their way. Barely any people up and about. And through the working sounds in the background, the seagulls, ducks and swans made with their splatter and chatter, the perfect serene scene.

This was the second day of perfect bliss. And I inhaled as deep as I could. Last week was horrible.

lock machine

 

Being angry with myself, that I allowed my stress levels go way too high, which made me feel worse than I already did, made me cross my boundaries. I wanted to do so many things.

I needed to do so many things,

or so I told myself.

So even though I couldn’t, nor needed to, I sowed the blinds and sunscreen. It turned out beautifully, but I know my anger took control. I really need to find a way to deal with all this. My own health that’s going down, Ramon is looking worse and worse.

Last Thursday was Ascension Day, followed by Good Friday, so we had four days off. With the exception of Saturday off course, due to Ramon’s new course.

 

bike repair

 

It were blissful days. Spring decided to play with summer for a few days, so during the day it is sunny and warm. We worked on the side-car. I tried to be the best assistant, because I don’t know squat about mechanics. It is so exciting to see the old and broken parts come off and be replaced. And I love to see Ramon’s hands work its magic. There is still a couple of things to do before we can ride, but I think I enjoy this just as much a riding together. So I can’t wait to assist again.

 

ramon

 

Friday we went to our favorite spot in the park, and sat there for hours. Ramon took his learning books with him, and as he sat there reading, I enjoyed my view. Listened to the birds tweet, and keep an eye on Kuzco in between. We took all kinds of deliciousness with us. A nice cold bottle of white wine, French bread, chopped vegetables, aioli, and pieces of grilled chicken. If I ever need to go to a happy place in my mind, I will picture this.

 

beach

 

Saturday was yet another blissful day. Went to the gym, and the longer I was there, the better I started to feel in my head. All my worries were gone for a moment. And I was happy….and tired….but happy. I slept through the day, and when Ramon came home, we went to the beach. It was still 27 degrees Celsius at six o’clock in the evening, and barely cooled off till we left at nine. We were happy, relaxed, and cuddled till the sun had almost set.

 

beach

 

Today it is Mother’s Day, and I have made chocolate truffles and cake for our mothers. The sun is shining, and it will be another warm day. Maybe we will go to the beach after visiting our mothers, or maybe to the park, or maybe just crash on the couch together. What we are going to do is, sit together,  making a memory list for Tuesday at the LUMC. To make the most out of our visit, and to be as clear as can be in what I want, wish, and expect of our visit. I am already a little nervous, so Tuesday won’t be any less. When I am nervous I stumble, stutter, and forget the most important what I wanted to say. So it is good to go over it beforehand, make a memory list, and practice with some roleplay.

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