I was sulking when I stood on the scale this morning. I had gained four pounds last week, and today it was clear I have lost six again, which makes it 26 pounds all together now.

These last few weeks I have been so very sick. I had a terrible case of thin stool containing lots of blood. Nothing could made it stop. First I thought the flu, but this was different. Maybe my Crohn’s acting up then, I thought….

After some tests, it appeared to be caused by a nasty bacteria that made his residence in my bowels. I lost 24 pounds in four weeks’ time. And after a heavy course of antibiotics it seemed to have left the building. But within a day or two, it started all over again. That was last week. I’ve just send another test to the lab, to see if something else is overdue their stay in hotel Bowels. I will hear within three weeks….

But I rather have it just stop now. Because this is what’s making me weak, and thus unable to do even the simplest thing like housekeeping, together with our newest edition finally at home.

 

 

I struggled through the last two weeks with sharing the care for the puppies whom were still at Marja’s. And I really thought once Malha finally would be home with us, and not having to run around like a crazy woman, everything would be much easier and calm down. So I could finally do some writing, and maybe even draw, and slowly go the gym again to regain some strength and energy.

But it has not.

Even though there were so many other things happening which I badly wanted to write about, I just didn’t have the energy.

 

 

Such as our trip to London, which made an even more divine experience thanks to my brother in law. I could have write about it days without end.

We were only able to go on a very tight budget, with a pack of Swedish crackers and peanut butter and jelly and a six-pack of water which we would refill along the way, to keep us sustained. Just to finally see the exposition of 150 years of Beatrice Potter, and buy a stuffed animal of Peter Rabbit for Malha. But my brother in law surprised us with a wonderful gift to enjoy London to the fullest. So we did!

 

 

We’ve gone out for dinner twice, with one of them being at Jamie Oliver’s Italian restaurant.

 

 

We’ve visited Westminster Abbey, visited almost every dog boutique London’s got, and even bought a beautiful leash and matching collars for Kuzco and Malha in the most amazing little shop that felt like heaven on earth for dog owners.

 

 

And off course we bought a Peter Rabbit after visiting the Beatrix Potter exposition in the V&A museum. I got so emotional seeing all of her work and documents for real.

 

 

I could even buy a wonderful book, telling her life story with the most amazing photos and illustrations, which is a nice keep sake of our amazing trip. It was like walking on clouds, when I left the museum. And all of that feeling like crap (literally)….but happy crap.

 

 

And that’s exactly how I still feel. Like happy crap.

I still am losing weight, still have thin stool containing blood, tired as hell, feeling terribly weak, aching head, but so very happy. Malha is a bright little sunbeam, doing so unbelievably well, and Kuzco, even though he has had surgery last Wednesday to remove a benign lump on his lower eye lid, is handling Malha with such great care and sweetness. Even while he wears his cone to keep his stitches in place, which makes him very grumpy, he condones more of Malha then he ever would do of any of us.

 

 

It’s been three weeks since Malha came home. And today is the second day I can finally say I am convinced I can do this. Even when feeling like this. Malha is getting used to her environment and all of us, and I am getting used to Malha her energy and rhythm, and getting to understand her very own language.

 

 

This is the first day I can finally sit down, and take a moment for myself without the need to only sleep.

So I write. Something that was way overdue.

And I love it!

Maybe soon I can even draw a bit…. That would be awesome too.