I am still figuring out what to do. I pushed it somewhere back in my mind, becaus nothing will change any time soon in the way my body feels, and I can do more if I focus only on the good stuff for now. I want happiness to be the dominant emotion, not despair.
So for now I am trying to accept the extra pain, and ever growing lack of energy, like my physician told me to, but I will not settle with this forever. I will not throw in the towel, I shall not flag…. Only sit back and rethink my strategy.
To make us girls, Malha and me, super-duper-happy, Ramon decided to start with our project we had designed in our minds.
A comfortable lounge area on the windowsill for me, and a new dogbed for Malha all in one. He measured and drew our design on paper, bought the wood we needed, and a collapsible workbench…. Thank god for the holiday pay this time of year….
And in the hottest week we had so far, Ramon was working his ass off, sawing, screwing, measuring once and twice, and all the while we were thinking of more ways to make it even more beautiful.
And so Ramon was recalculating, searching Google to find the stuff he needed to personalize Malha her dogbed into something amazing. But that was all out of our budget, soooooo…..
He used some battery charged Christmas lights I bought for last year’s Thank’s Giving party. Searched the internet on constellations, and eventually made a starry night sky in Malha her alcove dogbed, and the Big Dipper, which is her birth constellation, ( the second brightest star of the Big Dipper shines brightest over Amsterdam on the 23th of December) on the panel you can see behind Malha when she lays in her bed. It was a precision work to cut the little light bulbs out of the plastic stars, but he set his mind to it. This is something he would have done if we would have a human little girl. She would have had a starry night sky in her room as well. Just as she would have a place to snuggle and hide, like a big tree with a hole in it, in the corner of her room, with branches and leaves and little fairies fluttering around the leaves made of little lights with dresses and wings on. So now Malha has a very own snuggle and hide place with a starry starry night sky above her.
When Ramon was done, we placed Malha in the alcove, wondering what she would do next… get scared and get out, or maybe stay put.
It couldn’t be more than we wished for. She lay down, and admired her new dog bed, and even looked up at the lights above her. Off course we exhaled with a loud, “Aaaaawwhh”, and then picked her up to cuddle her to death.
With little energy, but the greatest willpower, I put my love in the most beautiful thing Ramon made for me. I put some paint on it, and made Malha her pillow to sleep on, with the fabric I designed with my own drawings. Now it is a dogbed holding Malha her life story. Her birth constellation behind her, and her mommy and daddy their love story beneath her. My little lounge area only needs a cover, and Ramon will also make a little stairway for Kuzco and Malha to join me on the lounge to watch the boats sail by, and then it is simply perfect.
This is already one of my favourite place to sit, but when Ramon told me he made the first part of the lounge area extra-large so we could snuggle together on the windowsill, it is now officially my all-time favourite off course!