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Work in Progress

4-10-2016

Hulk

 

A rant I had to write in the middle of the night, to be able to put it behind me, and sleep.

 

I answered a phone call. Quite nice actually. Asking what has happened to Ramon, and how things are going with me. I told what was happening in our lives, and was asked how our dog was doing, hoping it would break the ‘negative’ accumulation.

 

Yes, he is doing quite fine, thank you for asking…. but so are we! The things that are happening in our lives does not mean we are doing horrible. We are making the best out of a bad situation. And we are working hard, dare I say damn hard, staying positive.

But what if I just told what was happening, would that by itself mean we are only focusing on the negative? What the fuck?!

 

I find it hard to read into people’s mind. (It’s a bad habit of mine for even wanting to.) But what do you expect to hear when you call for an update midst crisis?

I let myself be criticized by people’s opinions, and make a verdict upon myself that isn’t helping at all. It is making me doubt the way I handle things. Which by itself us the most idiotic thing ever! I know when I am not doing well. And I act accordingly. I seek for help, so I can make the most out of it. Why do people then give you the feeling you don’t handle it well, and that you need to answer the question in a way, that supposedly is focused on only good things, I clearly need to see?

 

For fuck sake…. I am not blind!!!

 

I believe we are allowed to be in a grieving time. That is necessary to get to the point of healing and moving on. Why are people so adamant in only hearing good things. Why then bother asking how we are doing?

 

Sigh….

 

I hate myself for doubting me, after letting myself be influenced by other people’s inadequacy, and downright rudeness.

Be convinced of yourself Joyce!

People only judge by their own experiences in live. So why do I let it hurt me, even though it is without a doubt with the best intentions.

 

I’m doing the best I can….

I’m doing the best I can!!!!

 

When I know better, I will act accordingly. But to give someone the impression you’re not working hard enough, is downright the most insulting way to show some interest.

 

Rant complete.

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Joyce Kleine – Work in Progress