Spring at its best was promised this weekend, but we should have known better than to trust the weather forecast. That goes as well for trusting better times will come for everyone. That is just not meant for some. It’s hard to stay positive when everything seems to go against you. And really hard when you rely on a person’s positive side, but he himself has fallen into despair. I know this will only be for a short while, because he is the strongest person I know, and he is absolutely allowed to feel this way. But I find it hard to pull him out of it with great words of inspiration, as he always does for me. Because deep down, I feel the same. I feel the despair, the unfairness, the cruelty. As if life nothing grants you but dealing with obstacles. And when you have found a way to stay positive through all the harshness, it will hit you down even harder. I once told Ramon that I found some peace in the thought, that this all happens for a reason. That I keep learning to be a better me, and maybe I would fall into my old habits if there were no obstacles thrown at my feet. If I didn’t have to keep fighting for my borrowed time.
But that’s just a mantra I keep telling myself, to keep myself going. Because I know darn well that there is no reason, no explanation why this is all happening to us. And certainly not to him. He has lost his father in a long and terrible way, he almost lost me twice, and has to deal with an uncertain prospect of our lives together, a chronically ill wife. How do you tell someone with all that on his plate, that all will be all right. And that everything happens for a reason, when the reason is beyond me as well.
So when we went to the beach this Sunday, when it was supposed to be a warm, sunny, and sleeveless Sunday, we laughed at how the weather forecast was wrong as usual, but we’re going to enjoy it anyways, and Ramon would take his first ride on his new bike in the afternoon. And that’s when he twisted his ankle real bad in the sand. And at that same moment, Ramon’s chipper self just broke down. And I couldn’t blame him.
When we came home, he stumbled up the stairs, and crashed on the couch. All the mist, and dark clouds from the beach, he had taken along with him and had settled above his head. Outside, the sun was shining now, just as promised. And it became a beautiful spring day. But inside the house, there was no spring to be found. Only anger, frustration, and sadness.
Within a couple of minutes when he lay down on the couch, he fell asleep. I was exhausted as usual these days, so I went to bed to sleep as well. This was certainly not the Sunday we hoped it would be, but I did shoot some nice pictures while we walked to the beach. So if you didn’t read this story, you’d only see that spring is coming.