I have written 10 pieces, just to make sense of how my consult went last Tuesday. It was almost like a crazy dream gone real. I really expected that someone would walk in on us, and would yell; ‘You just got punked!’ And then we all would laugh, and I would give a firm shoulder punch at my doctor, just to let him know to never do that again. Shake hands with the cameraman and the show host, and meanwhile brushing the mud stains from my coat, hoping it didn’t catch on camera.

But it was real… A doctor with no people skill, whom loved to hear himself talk, and making the strangest remarks because he hadn’t read up on my medical history.

And I cried all the way home. I was so glad my mom would come within an hour after I got home. We were going to peel the apples and pears together. Now I could first burry my face in her coat the moment she would arrive, and then we would sit down and talk it over while we would peel.

 

peels

 

It couldn’t be at a better time, that my mom came over. It was a lovely distraction after I told what had happened. It was cold outside, and rather gloomy, but inside was the warmth of our pot stove, the smell of coffee, and a floor covered with peels. It felt so cozy, and I so loved this moment together with my mother, that I almost forgot my sadness.

And then came yesterday…. ( I say with a hu-uuuuuuuuuuge smile on my face)

The day, that is now the official day, Kuzco has lost his virginity. Another thing we can scratch of his Bucket List.

What an excitement, and what an experience! It wasn’t at all what I dreaded. Never once I thought of those wildlife programs on tv, where it just looks like porn explained in every detail by a voice-over. We had to help them a little and sooth them, because they were stuck for 40 minutes. But he did it! tired as hell, but he did it! And now we have to wait…..

 

kuzco

 

So even though the doctors words are still in the back of my mind, feeling sadness and despair for being back where we started from, have to endure the pain a little while longer, and needing to find a new hospital with a better doctor, I have been able to counter those negative thoughts and feelings with warm, loving, exiting, and positive things.

Keep focusing Joyce. It are all just bad moments, not a bad life.