Work in Progress

Maandelijks archief van april, 2018



Saturday morning, weather forecast couldn’t be better.

Status both me and Ramon: A triple decker stress sandwich.



Traffic: Hell.

Time of arrival: About a hundred days away.



But when we finally arrived…..


We were both like two bunnies, hopping around of excitement.



I took some more shots, while Ramon was taking care of business.






Ramon kind of hoped we could take it for a short drive when we got back, but once we were, we were absolutely pooped. From 9.30 hours to 19.00 hours we’ve been on the road, picking up a rented trailer, loading, unloading, and returning the trailer again. It was a long-loooooong day; but what a day it was!!!



When our old Russian lady was stored in the garage, we just stood and stared at it for a while. What a beauty…. We looked at each other and smiled, both thinking the same thing. ‘Shall I get our airbed and some blankets, and we just sleep here for the night? That way we can stare at her until our eyes become too tired.’ There was a spark of doubt in his eyes, but then comfort and mind took over matter, and with a deep sigh he closed the garage door. ‘No, we’ll see her in the morning, let’s crash on the couch and have some dinner.’


Sunday morning, weather forecast sunny and warm.

Status both me and Ramon: Extremely excited and a bit nervous.

Traffic: I don’t remember…. We were the only ones on whole planet earth to my memory…

Time of arrival: Having fun to the max, time doesn’t exist.



Ramon rolled her out of the garage, put on his awesome coat, and kick started her in one go. ‘Are you ready?’ he asked me.

I don’t think I couldn’t have responded any more quicker than I did. By the time he said the word ‘ready’, I was already in the sidecar, jacked zipped, helmet on, and hands tight on the bar.

‘Let’s goooooo!!!!’



Oh my God, what a wonderful day it was!!! I have laughed so hard, my belly is still tight. And off course I couldn’t help but cry of happiness. It was amazing! Together with Ramon riding a bike that makes almost everybody turn their heads with a smile. And all I could think, was ‘Yeah people! That’s mine! That’s my gorgeous husband in an awesome coat you’re looking at, taking me on his awesome bike.’



Bucket list item scratched with success!! With great anticipation I am looking forward to many more rides together, and with the doggies.







For days Ramon buried himself deep in our finances. From time to time I heard him mumble mostly in numbers. I didn’t really questioned myself why, because moments like these aren’t uncommon these days. He worries a lot, especially when the pile of bills need to be payed, but then he usually gets a hold of himself, and everything seems fine and dandy again. But this time it took him longer than usual, while the bills were already payed for.


When I asked him about his thoughts, and what he needed to take his mind of his worries, and what I could do to help, I wasn’t quite prepared for his reply.


His eyes looked heavy, but somewhere in the middle of his mesmerizing gaze I always get lost in, there was a spark of excitement and happiness.



He clicked on the history button of Google search, and showed me a picture of a sidecar. A sidecar we always dreamed about. An old Russian sidecar, fully restored, and ready to use.


A bit surprised, I smiled and said it looked great. Then he showed me a couple more old sidecars, we both share a love for; and I asked him why he showed me all this as we already own a sidecar.


His answer wasn’t what I expected at all. He said; ‘Our sidecar needs to be repaired before we can take it for a drive. And I really want to restore the whole bike, as it needs to be taken apart anyway. But it takes a lot time to do so. So we probably don’t get to ride the sidecar together this year again. And knowing it is something that is high on your bucket list, I want to fulfill your wish before it’s too late.’


As I am still burying my head in the sand involving my kidneys hence my future, I was shocked by his answer. I know he worries and thinks about a lot of things, but not this. I gave him the biggest kiss, and teared up thinking about what must be going on in his head. I never realized his mind took him here, because he always act so cool and tough when it’s about me.



So we went to go see our dream sidecar this weekend. When we arrived, it only took us about three minutes to totally fall head over heels in love with one in particular. It was an Dnepr from 1966, totally restored, and all original features still present.



This was it. We were sold!



We took a stroll through the garage, and Ramon’s eyes gazed at all the spare parts that were neatly stored on shelves covered from floor to ceiling. He told the owner he is going to restore the sidecar we already own, so we certainly would know where to go to when the time comes. They started talking about Russia, Ural and Dnepr, and technical stuff that was way above my head. So I thanked him for the coffee, and took my camera out of my pocket. I could just skip around the workshop, singing a made-up-on-the-spot- song, but I kept it inside and just quietly hummed while vigorously snapping shots of everything around me. I was so happy!!!



Next weekend we can pick it up. And I honestly can’t wait. Now his plans for this summer, he was telling me about a couple of days ago, finally make sense.



We are going to ride together, and take the doggies along on our adventure. Because that is exactly what the sidecar man said; When you buy a Russian old-timer, you buy an Adventure, not a Need for Speed.



I love it!!!




With moments like these, working on my project, taking pictures of the things that make me happy, is really no trouble at all. Even so, I wish every day could be as happy as these last two days.



I am amazed of the amount of influence, sunlight has on me. Instant happy feeling. Yesterday was such a lovely sunny day, that even Ramon wanted to join me on our tiny little balcony for a cold glass of Chardonnay with some appetizers. I felt so utterly happy at that moment. Ramon smiling and telling me his great ideas for summer, and the doggies laying at our feet, with an occasional growl and sweetest question mark on their face, looking if there still are some appetizers left to share, to then let out a very disappointed sigh when they put their heads to rest again. Picture perfect.



And even on a day of which I knew would be super fun but terribly draining, the afterglow didn’t lose its spark for a long while. Even so, it made us sign in not only Malha for a new semester at doggy school, but Kuzco as well.



It was a kind of orientation day, called Sniffing Day, where you could try out all sorts of courses that each lasted for about half an hour. We signed in for two courses each.



Ramon took Malha, and me Kuzco. I was so scared my energy would be letting us down, but I made it through an hour of exuberating,



belly aching laughter,



loving every minute with my old little boy.



And I knew Kuzco loved it just as much, for his eyes were stuck on me, and the biggest smile was stuck on his face.



I just couldn’t get enough of this day. Again the sun was shining, Kuzco and Malha were super exited. Happy dogs all around, and a very nice, relaxed, and joyful atmosphere. No pressure, no being the best, brightest or fastest; just fun, sun, and shooting lots of pictures, being together with Ramon and the doggies.






I have started to read one of my favourite children’s books Alice in Wonderland again. It’s as good a time as ever, as I feel like days are passing by while wondering like Alice through Wonderland. Everything seems so normal, yet so very very strange. And whilst reading the book, so many quotes are making little sparks in my head.





Ever since Ramon is at home, coping day by day with his burn out, it feels like a happy holiday having him around all day. But in between the happy, there air is heavy of sadness. He is fighting so hard to keep his head up high, that I want to try my very best to make his surroundings as happy, light, comforting and safe as I possibly can. Funny enough a quote from Alice in Wonderland is;


 “My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that.” 


And it is just exactly like that. It takes such an effort for either of us to get through a day, physically and mentally, but it takes a humongous amount of effort to achieve even the smallest accomplishment, and be proud of it. Because when something fails, it can feel like forever.




“Alice: How long is forever? White Rabbit: Sometimes, just one second.” 


Take note! Is what my mind was saying to me now.


So as always, we take each day at a time. And each day a little Queen of Hearts is trying to pull us into her own little world, where we know we don’t want to be. We both have to fight the Queen our own way, and I am so very grateful to have such a wonderful psychologist.


“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
“I don’t much care where –”
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”


She suggested an assignment called Picture your life. Seeing one of my problems, is being not able to get myself to do the things I like, for other things are more important to me, at the moment. I still have such a hard time adjusting to my still decreasing amount of energy, that I get angry at myself for only having enough energy for far too little a day.


“Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” 


With this assignment, I have to start using the tools I like, to work on myself, and at the same time carrying out the things what I consider more pressing.


And it’s working. I’m feeling a little less frustrated, focus a lot less on the suffocating guilt I’m feeling, and less inadequate in helping Ramon.


So every day I am searching for the one thing that makes me happy, and make a picture of it. I used to do something similar, by writing down at the end of the day, three things I was grateful of during the day. But this is so much more fun.





Even Ramon is helping me, bringing wonderful ideas to do together, for I can make my Happy-pictures. Ramon took me to the Comic Con yesterday, where there were many Happy-pictures to take.





I was extremely tired, but we both had such a wonderful day.





Moments like these push all the crap aside for a while.


There are many rough moments during each day, but there are so many other moments that are so very joyful and happy for me. So I feel I’m on the right track again.






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Joyce Kleine – Work in Progress