There I went. Totally innocent, without having prepared myself for the possibility of having to strip down all of my cloths.
I went to the hospital to undergo two tests at the urology. For over a year now, I have been complaining of terrible stomach pains and way too many urinary infections. To exclude all kinds of possible causes, one of which my Crohn’s disease, months have passed, when finally in January my physician send me to the urologist. But because of the everlasting diarrhea, I had to postpone my appointment three times, until yesterday. I could take an inhibitor for just one day, to undergo the tests.
Little did I know what would happen next.
I would only have to do a flowmetry, and get an ultrasound after. Usually I prepare myself to the teeth, if I know, or have even the slightest feeling I will have to undress myself. I will scrub me down till my skin hurts, I wear my granny panties, baggy clothes, and practical shoes that come of easy.
But not yesterday….
Yesterday after I had taken a normal shower, I randomly took one of panties out of the drawer. One that would sit comfortably under my Freddy Pants. In other words….as tiny as possible.
It would be a lovely warm spring day, so why not go for a tight t-shirt? I looked great, if I do say so myself.
Happy to empty my bladder when the nurse left me in the room to pee on a stool with a funnel hanging under it, I exhaled with great content. I was even proud of myself when I looked at the cup that stood underneath the funnel. It is rare for me to pee so much in one sit.
When the nurse came for me to do the ultrasound, the doctor had to be called immediately.
‘This isn’t good. Please undress yourself, panties too. We have to do a catheterization.’
Sweat dripped down my spine, right into my butt crack.
Then everything went so fast. The catheter was installed, and I was told I would have to wear it until Monday. A box was given, containing a larger night bag, a plug to install for when I would shower, and instructions of what and how to do things. And I had to get my blood drawn to monitor my kidneys.
So Monday I will have to return to the hospital, where a new one will be installed, and they will teach me how to install the catheter myself.
I tried to put my Freddy Pants back on, and thanked Freddy for using so much Lycra. When I looked down, I wanted to send a picture to my dad, saying; ‘Look at my quads dad!!! It’s a-ma-zing! Freddy Pants really does make miracles come true on your legs and butt.’ But my lady workshop hurt like hell, and I just wanted to get home.
I put on one of Ramon’s boxers once I got home. I didn’t want to wear anything that would press against it. When I walked into the living room after emptying the bag for the gazillionth time, I tried to make a bad ass move. ‘Look Ramon, doesn’t this make me look like Lara Croft from Tomb Raider? It’s just as if I’m wearing a leg holster.’ I made a few exiting arm movements like I had any fighting skill, and carefully sat down with my lips pressed so hard, all colour faded around my mouth.
‘Yes….. very impressive indeed. But it’s more like a Womb Raider with spasm than a bad ass Tomb Raider, if you don’t mind me saying.’
Hmmmm….. oh well, I’ll just hold on to my imagination. It keeps me distracted of how very uncomfortable this thing is. Hopefully it will get better over the weekend, and then we will see what next week will bring.