Work in Progress

Maandelijks archief van november, 2016


I am so extremely happy! The kind of happy where you have to wiggle your fingers and toes from time to time to get rid of the happiness build-up that makes it tickle. This is such a nice feeling for a change.

I joined Marja yesterday to take Maya to the vet for an ultrasound. I was so nervous. I was so scared the imp inside my mind who always talk things down, would be right. And I would be disappointed again. I think Marja read my face, because when I entered the living room, she said; ‘I would have called it off, if I had even the slightest doubt. I told you about pregnant cats the last time, right? Well, come look at Maya her nipples.’ We sat on the ground together with Maya, and when she showed me, she looked at me and smiled. ‘You see? This can’t go wrong. Together with the little changes in her behaviour these last few days, the answer is clear. So come, are you ready?’




Ever since the moment I decided to really go for it, and let Kuzco mate with Maya, I pushed my excitement and happy feeling down. I only wanted to give in to my feelings, when I knew for sure there would be a puppy in her belly. This year, there have been too much disappointments on a row. But after Marja’s encouraging words, it almost became impossible to keep my feelings under control. I was so happy I brought my camera with me to hide behind. Because when they put the jelly on Maya’s belly, I teared up when I saw things moving on the screen, and the vet explained to us what we saw. The sniffles I made in between were from my cold off course…. duh….




There they were….




The bright light coming from the screen in the darkened room, made the tiny dust floating in the air, seemed like fairy dust was sprinkled over the screen. My wish had come through.

My little baby-puppy was in there.

Kuzco and Maya their puppies. The vet was surprised how many there were, since this is Maya her first litter. But I didn’t mind how many, if there was just one, I would be happy. And there certainly was one….and two….and three…. It wasn’t quite clear how many exactly, but that we will know when we go for another picture, prior to their birth.

I snapped one after the other picture. Now my new story can come to life. I want to write and draw the wonderful story of Kuzco and Maya’s puppies. And off course to put the ultrasound image on our fridge. I need to watch it over and over again.




We are having a baby-puppy!!!



The lovely early morning wake up, with the frost making the most beautiful flowers at the bottom of the bedroom window. Sun has just come up, and gives the ice flowers a radiant glow, making them even more beautiful. I hear some early bird scratching the ice from his car window, to start his day.

I have to start mine as well, but I turn around to spoon one last time against Ramon, and wait for the alarm clock to go off. But apparently my body did not agree, and I burst in terrible cough and released all the mucus. So I had to get up and grab for the tissues. That’s when the first sign appeared, that this start of the serene cold snuggling kind of morning, was going to be stained by the terrible ways of having a common cold gone bad. My eyes didn’t want to open further than the first crack, so I stumbled out of bed, making my way to the bathroom to take a look.

Holy Cow!!!!


How a face can go so horribly horribly wrong….

Thank god for being half blind, because the shock was way too much to handle.




The charming face of a bad cold. Lips cracked, a dry irritated spot under my nose, Casper-white, and now even my eyes all swollen.

But then I remembered last night. Perhaps my thick swollen eyes are not only from the cold, but maybe the movie I watched was partially to blame as well.

I couldn’t decide what I wanted to watch, so after scrolling through our library, I decided to finally watch The Notebook. It never really appealed to me, but somehow after reading the cover, I got curious.

Boy, was I not ready for that…. Although on the other hand, this was perhaps exactly what I needed.

I cried my eyes out. It wasn’t even pretty anymore. Even Kuzco, who always loves to watch movies with me, was at his wits end. Seldom do I cry in this manner during a movie. But there was just so much recognition, and the realisation of what’s to come. And maybe this beautiful story, so beautifully played, opened my grief for loosing somebody whom is still here. I put my anger over my hurt. I miss somebody who’s features are still there, and tiny bits of the person itself comes to surface once in a while…. But this is a new person growing in a familiar shell. And even though it still feels terribly unfair, I think this outburst of tears could be the beginning for me, to deal with this in a better way.



happy thanksgiving


Happy Thanksgiving!




We have celebrated it bigtime! We definitely needed a little happiness, laughter and love over some good food. Ramon’s birthday was last week, and he really wanted to celebrate it this time. “I’m so thankful I still can.” And that made me think of joining the two parties together. So we had a pre- Thanksgiving.




This year is filled with one blow after another. With the most recent one, the death of my sister’s partner. It’s crazy to think she helped me through August with almost losing my partner, and barely two months later, she lost hers.

I so much wanted to be there for her, the way she was for me at that time. So I tried my very best, did things I never, ever had done before, (and was sure I wasn’t able to, until the situation arose, and I just did…. For her.) But that didn’t felt like enough, I wanted to do so much more. So when Ramon offered to change her entry room, to make it a little more livable for her, I couldn’t wait to start. This was something I could do, putting in my willpower and way to much medication…. But it would be worth it. This is where I can show my love for her.

Ramon, my dad, and me, were like a typhoon raging through her house. Within three days, the entry room had a total make-over. I had given it all. Two weeks of taking more meds, my kidneys took it hard. The only thing to do now, was take a rest, and let my pee turn to its normal color again. But then my mind went crazy. I thought about my sister, what she is going through, the what if’s and what then, Ramon, myself, my health, the future…..

Thank God for my therapist!!!!

She told me to, off course, focus on positive things. Make a daily effort in thinking about what went good, and what made me happy. Try to write, even when I’m angry. Anger is what I feel so much at the moment. And the only way I usually cope with my anger is to channel it physically. Work (it) out. But that isn’t going so well right now, so it is wise to start thinking about other means that could help as well. Especially when the time comes, I maybe no longer able, to pull the iron again, the way I still can today.

Perhaps it is time again to buy cheap China…..


table setting


When I told her the party we were having, and how important the meaning of this celebration was for me as well as Ramon, she applauded the idea. “Try to make this celebration to be the start again to write down your thoughts, create your stories with your drawings. After an evening spend together with the people you love, being thankful of each other for being in each other’s lives, this should be your inspiration.”


mini wreaths


The party was a huge success.


thanksgiving table


In a way, it made things clear for me. I need to weather my storm. But while I navigate, I won’t be alone. These are the people that shared this horrible year together, each baring their own storm, but also a shared storm. And they all came together to find a little ray of sunshine through the storm.

I did anyway…

I found the sun.




Instagram requires authorization to view a user profile. Use autorized account in widget settings


Joyce Kleine – Work in Progress