Work in Progress

Maandelijks archief van juli, 2016

29-07-2016

I didn’t feel like writing these last few days. Heck, I didn’t feel like doing much of anything for that matter. I being surrounded by so much negative energy, it feels like it swallows me whole. Like I am the most evilest person in the whole wide world. That kind of energy you normally would get rid of if it’s hurting you, but this one is like the yellow power ring of Sinestro. That partially due to a weakness in the green power rings, preventing them from directly affecting the color yellow. I can’t defeat it, and so I will have to find a way to deal with it. Together with a still unidentified but certainly present pain stuck somewhere in my belly, is not helping me keeping my positive attitude on the highest level.

Today, my Sinestro is quiet.

The pain in my belly is still reminding me of its presence, but I feel like doing something nice. Tomorrow we will go to the artist supply shop in Haarlem. I want to start a new project. I will order a large canvas, and will start painting again. I have an image in my head for quite a while now, and it’s time for it to be put on canvas. There is still a story left with unfinished drawings about Benjamin and Kuzco, but I just can’t put my mind to it, to sit and focus only on the story. So this project would be perfect. I can start and stop at any moment, and oil paint that will be drying on the canvas, will make the house smell nice. I love the smell of paint. It’s been a while since I have been painting. I always wonder if it’s still there, the feeling, the touch.

I will check my box of paint, which ones I have to restock or add, and which brushes have dried out, and need to be replaced. And I will sand off my old mixing board, get rid of all those lumps of old paint.

Yes…

I’m looking forward to this new project.

 

paint

22-07-2016

When you are hoping for a little summer during summer, and only get autumn, you are getting used to the cold, rainy days. So when summer decides to actually give you some summer feeling, because the whining became unbearable, it slaps you in the face with the ultimate summer feeling.

‘Here, and there, and here some more!!! This is what you wanted? Now enjoy it, you…

(terribly ugly words following the dots)

It has been terribly hot these last couple of days. And off course everyone is now whining about, this being too much summer.

My furry friends and me, were knocked out flat during the day. Temperature was rising to 30 degrees Celsius indoors. I had to poke them from time to time just to make sure they only looked dead. My head can’t handle the fast changes in the weather, especially when it goes from cold to hot with the air pressure rising along with it. So I played dead right beside my furry friends. Tried to move as little as possible, because my head felt as huge as a silo filled with swords and anvils.

 

seaside

 

When Ramon came home from work, he took me and Kuzco to the beach. So I made a simple dinner every evening, to take with us. Some salad with meat or fish, water, wine, coffee, and little pieces of coconut to chew on. When we arrived at our favorite spot, we let ourselves drop on our beach towel, only to come off after sundown.

 

kuzco swimming

 

Kuzco took his place in the water, just lying there, letting the waves gently cover him with the cool salty water. He didn’t even had to move to play with his ball. The currant made sure he was entertained, by taking the ball away from him, and let him get it back with no real effort, just enough to make it look like he was doing something.

When our bellies were full, and the wind cooled, and dried our warm, sweaty skin, we washed away the stickiness that remained. It felt like a complete rejuvenation, and we played with Kuzco in the water till the sun was no longer there.

 

sea

 

Today is yet again hot and muggy, but now I am more used to it. So my seizures are at a normal rate, and the pain is quite bearable again. I will keep it slow never the less, just to make sure I am still a pleasant person to be with, when Ramon comes home tonight.

14-07-2016

I got out of bed and without lifting my feet, I shuffled to the bathroom. Still a little groggy I lifted my head to look in the mirror, and in an instant, my eyelids cracked up The Sandman’s hard work. And while the cement was crumbling down, my eyelids remembered their other job…. To keep my eyeballs in.

 

anniegen

 

The Annie-gen was thriving today. That much was clear. I tried to tame it with a brushstroke, but when I released the brush at the end of my curls, it bounced back to an even worse fluff.

 

anniegen

 

Okay, this was going to be ‘such’ a day.

Fine….

Fi-iiiiiiiiiiiine by me!

So, I will have find some orphans, sing with my dog, cuddle a bald man, and kick a tall drunk woman, and a blond lady who speaks with a lisp.

Mmmmm, it really is a hard knock life….

Because I got me curls, and me dog……. Singing the life out of us with the ‘Tomorrow’ song with an astounding resonance from the shower performance, but that’s about it.

It’s a good thing, I will see my psychiatrist today, because I think there will be plenty to talk about.

9-07-2016

Holy Hannah, it was as tough as I feared it would be.

 

sportsbag

 

 

I’ve been to the gym this morning. The first time after, give or take 5 weeks. Italy consumed all my energy to experience it to the fullest, and then I became ill with a kidney infection. The first week I could barely walk, every step hurt so much. Second week I got the antibiotics, and I felt better day by day. So this week, I wanted to start rowing again in my she-shed. A good intro for Saturday I thought.

Eventually it was, just to see how out of shape I have gotten. I wanted to start rowing on the same level I ended 5 weeks ago. Well…….

That was a big fat slap in the face. It almost felt like a high level training preparation for the Olympics. After two minutes, sweat jumped out of my pores as if the building was on fire, the pressure that had built up inside my head to keep up the pace, evoked a seizure, and my breathing was more like gasping for air as if I almost drowned only minutes ago.

I pulled myself up back in the seat, and put my feet between the loose straps again. WTF??!! I became so angry at myself. What kind of idiocrasy is this? I should be able to row at this pace with ease. 5 Weeks ago, I did this as a relaxing row for 20 minutes. I started rowing again, but turned the timer off. ‘Okay’, I thought, ‘just row slowly, find the pace that feels good for now’.

I rowed the next ten minutes in a veeeeeeeeeery slow pace, and still my breathing was through the roof. After my second seizure, it was time to quit. I stayed on the ground, catching my breath. Everything was spinning around. I slowly got up, and looked at myself in the mirror. My sweat was lying on my skin as if it was covered with blisters. And my face……

Well let me just say, that I’ve looked prettier during exercise.

 

sweat

 

It was good to start again, especially because other parts of my body started to hurt again after the 5 week break. I needed to start again, it’s my physical therapy.  But it did made me dread to go to the gym today. I was so very disappointed with my body. All the gains I made, were gone. I lost muscle mass, definition, strength, and most of all, my endurance.

But! ….. I’m in this to better myself, getting stronger mentally and physically. Mentally I got bitch slapped, but I am a tough cookie, so chin up, chesticles up, back straight…. And secretly flex in the mirror when nobody’s looking. It will get better again.

Anyway, even though it was tough, it was really nice to be back again. And the strangest thing happened again; the happy feeling of muscle soreness.

8-07-2016

wedding day

 

Yesterday was our 12.5 year anniversary. I don’t know if this is celebrated throughout the world, but In Holland it is customary to celebrate certain milestone anniversaries more publicly than, say, your first or eight. The fiftieth is called the ‘golden’ wedding, the twenty-fifth a ‘silver’. I guess the 12.5 year anniversary is celebrating that your halfway your 25th – it is called a ‘copper’ wedding.

I don’t know who invented this, but Ramon and I both believe this the most ridicules reason for such a fuss. A desperate way of wanting to throw a party, because waiting 25 years after your wedding day, is an awfully long time. We just don’t believe in halves, just the full 12 months only. 10 years for instant, feels like a more important milestone than 12.5. It could just be 12 and 8 months, because what makes 6 more special than 8. Hell, every day you spend together is special, right?

So, it may be clear, we don’t celebrate this weird custom. Our real wedding date feels more like a day of celebration and joyous memories to share. We just didn’t feel ‘it’ in July. We were married on the 7th of January, now that’s a special day to us. So we decided to skip this weird 12.5, and just throw a jolly good party on our 13th anniversary. If anything we learned from life, is that every day is worthy of celebration, but then you would go broke in an instant. So to share the joyous occasion of our 13th year together on the day we said ‘I do’, seemed more fitting to us. Simply because we always strive to be different, unique. Not follow the crowd, in anything. That’s what we like so much about each other. To celebrate on a year that is considered an unlucky number in Western superstition, is pretty different,

thus perfect!

So we woke up yesterday morning not feeling that special feeling. In fact, our egos collided. So we didn’t start our day, feeling the joy and love for each other like we usually do. I waved him goodbye with my tongue sticking out, making the pooping-sound, when he left for work. ‘Guh-bye stupid, see ya later.…Love you*.’

( *Always say goodbye with ‘I love you’, even when every Steven King comes to mind when you look at that person, because you regret you didn’t, if something happened.)

Half way through the morning, my ego was put to rest, and it became clear to me how silly we actually reacted on one another. The feeling was mutual. So after I texted him of something funny that happened, he called me back. It was nice to talk and laugh again like the real Ramon and Joyce we always are, instead of acting even for a moment as those grumpy, grouching people whom we despise.

When he came home from work, he surprised me with the most beautiful flowers wrapped in chocolate bars. Absolutely not because of some anniversary thingy…..of course.

 

sunset

 

We went to the beach to have some dinner, which they didn’t serve anymore….at half past eight. So we ended up in one of our favorite restaurants near the harbour. It was a cozy evening of not celebrating our anniversary, and it ended with a stunning sunset, and a deeply offended puppy.

Offended because beach-time was cut of way too short to his liking, he didn’t even had time to take a swim, and to make matters worse, he had to lie down at our feet during dinner, only to receive tiny little pieces of all that deliciousness that was on our plates.

 

sunset

 

 

 

5-07-2016

It was an amazing weekend.

I still experienced a lot of pain due to the kidney infection, but in a slow but manageable pace, we took the best out of the weekend.

 

toystore

 

We went to my favorite city, Haarlem, to shop for a baby present. The next day we were going to visit family and their newest edition. There is a toy store in Haarlem, and it’s downright my favorite. When you enter the store, you enter a time capsule. Every toy I ever owned as a child, is sitting there on the shelves, only in a better condition than when it left me.

Every time we go there to buy a gift for someone, we almost never want to leave that place, and almost every time we say to each other while gazing through the shelves, ‘It’s good we don’t have any kids, because we would go broke in an instant.’  So of course we bought some amazing gift, and of course I hoped the receiving party, wouldn’t want it, or already got it.

But they loved it…..

Of course….

To my regret…..nooooooo, just kidding….

Well….. a tiny bit perhaps.

 

haarlem

 

Then we had an amazing lunch. Amazing, because I didn’t have to throw it up again, so that was a winner, but also amazing, because the sun was shining the moment we sat down. And it rained cats and dogs only moments before. When the sun is shining, everything is at its best. People start to smile again, the city looks more vibrant and colorful, even the food tastes better when the sun is shining.

But that could just as well be, because it simply is no fun eating in the rain. And all the wonderful fragrant, pretty looking and tasting ingredients, combined on a plate, are being diluted, each drop at a time. And with a monsoon we had just now…..well….

 

tea

 

I think you get the picture.

So, highlighting the day, if you didn’t got it already….

Amazing and wonderful.

Then we went to the movies with my dad, a belated father’s day gift. No superhero movie as I had hoped, but Independence Day. I thought I would only enjoy the time spend with my dad and Ramon together, but surprisingly the movie was great as well.

 

joyce and dad

 

So again….

Amazing and wonderful.

Sunday we spend with family. They have three little boys, with one being the newest edition. Their entire garden is Kiddies Walhalla, I kid you not. So it was the best place to enjoy our coffee and tea, catching up, and meanwhile let us entertain with children’s laughter, watching them play, and see Kuzco having the best of time playing with them and acting like a little clown.

So you see? Amazing and wonderful.

Oh wait, I forgot just one little thing that happened that same Sunday. Something so horrific, I have to share.

 

slug

 

I have killed a living being….and to make matters worse….in full consciousness.

I felt horrible.

Nano seconds before I saw him enjoying the warmth of the sun, exactly where I was about to park my mobility scooter.

During, the squishing sound of the entire body spread out like peanut butter between the ground and my front tire.

And after, when I saw its remains get sucked in the dirt. The only thing that survived the horrific murder, was probably its new sunglasses, because that was what the black thingy, sticking out of the gooey stuff, looked like.

I really felt horrible and bad for two whole minutes, because I saw it when I approached, but didn’t changed my course.

When I told Ramon of my terrible ordeal, I received a silence and his eyebrows making its way up his hairline.

‘Seriously? All that fuzz for a slug??’ He asked.

Well…hey…

It’s still a living being, and when killing it knowingly, it’s a murderous act. But like I said, it took me two minutes to feel remorse, and then I totally forgot the whole thing….because the rest of the day was just so….

Amazing and wonderful…..

And because I said sorry afterwards. That always makes things better….

1-07-2016

I am so angry right now.

I hate it when I have to make a wise decision instead of doing what my heart wants. I hate my body today, for failing on me. I hate that the choices I made in Italy, makes me feel like I’m being punished for doing so.

I settled for a week of recovering. Then it became two weeks, plus an kidney infection, for fuck sake!! Excuse my language.

I so much wanted to go to the gym tomorrow, but my fever is still up because of the kidney infection, and everything still hurts like hell. I got new and stronger antibiotics this morning, because the other one didn’t do its job as well as it should be.

With a little luck, I will feel much better in the morning, but still it would be wise to give my body time to heal.

It’s been to long since I have trained. I feel like a tiny flat little pancake. And to add more drama to it, a tiny flat little pancake, covered with weak-sauce, past the expiry date…..

Blèhhh!!!

And….. I hate my attitude right now!

 

gym shoes

 

I seriously have to get my act together. ‘So get off of the couch, and take off your gym shoes, God dammit! It’s just plain stupid to wear them under your pajama’s and bathrobe, just to mope around feeling sorry for yourself. Pull it together woman!

Okay, I will again, make myself a ‘help-my-kidneys’ cup of tea with goldenrod…..

And then drink it…..

Or first sip it, cause, hot….

And then…..

Be a little happier.

……

Because I like myself better when I am.

 

tea

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Joyce Kleine – Work in Progress