I’m tired.
I’m loving this holiday, but I’m exceeding all my physical boundaries to an entirely unknown galaxy known to mankind.
I made a choice to take more meds every single day. I didn’t have any seizures, but my body and head hurts like hell. It is telling…
no,
even yelling to me…
to stop and listen. But I ignored it for most of the time.
Two is company, three is a crowd. I felt more comfortable being by myself, when Ramon went for a ride, just like today. It was the perfect time to give my body and mind some rest. Just enough to get through the pain without letting it show too much.
Today was the last day of our adventure. Tomorrow morning we will be heading home again.
This day was idyllic and intense. Like it was the last bite of a perfect meal. I wanted every synapse in my brain to take in every second of this last day here in Italy.
Ramon went for his last tour through the beautiful mountains with the most stunning views.
The sun was shining early in the morning. I woke up, and the light in the tent was so pretty. I snuggled tightly against Ramon who was still fast asleep. I drew all the things I liked about this holiday softly with my fingertips on his back. The mountains, the gondola, the sun, the tent, the beautiful art, me swimming in the lake, my hiking boots…..
And then he woke up. I gave him a kiss, and he pulled me tight. It felt so serene.
I sat up straight and tried to pimp my tired face with a little make up. He watched me put in my greatest effort while snoozing next to me. We drank our coffee in the morning sun. And after Ramon drove away on his bike, I strolled to the lake.
It was still early, so there were barely any people.
I undressed myself, and instead of just only puddle with my feet in the water, I decided to take a swim…. all by myself. After all these days, I didn’t have any seizures. I believed I could take that risk. I stayed in the shallow water, just to be sure. And I can tell you… It was the most wonderful moment I experienced this week. As if I was a healthy young woman, taking an early morning swim, totally Zen, to start the day fresh and full of energy.
The water was so calm, the surroundings were so peaceful. Only birds that sang their song, and pebbles that made their scratching sound when the ducks were walking along the water site. With every swim stroke I took, I looked at my hands pushing away the clear water, repeatedly whispering the words;
‘Sublime…simply sublime….
Out of all the wonderful things we have done this holiday, I think this simple tiny moment of just feeling just like everybody else, made the finishing touch. Besides all the wonderful, fun, romantic, moments I got to spend together with Ramon, and sharing precious times with friends, this is a special one.
Pretending for a moment to be a normal healthy 36 year old woman, feeling happy, strong, full of energy, not being dependent upon others, and do as I please. Not thinking about the risks or dangers of everything I would like to do. It was definitely pretending big time, because everything hurt so badly, it didn’t even give me a change to be real. With the exception of being happy off course. But it did give me a glimpse.
A glimpse of the person I so desperately like to be.
But almost immediately, I started to rethink.
…. would I be the same person, I now like so much? And would I live just as intense as I do now?
Perhaps not. I probably only be healthy, and I would have never appreciated this simple tiny moment for what it was.
A frame, cut out of my life, to tell me how precious every moment in life is.
This was a beautiful week, in a beautiful country, with beautiful people.
There will be a lot of photo’s to go through, to decide which one will end up on our fridge to light up my lesser days.
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